undauntedxspirit:

 

          Ella didn’t flinch when she watched Jack hit the wall. In fact she hoped the biotic that it hurt like hell. And when she eventually saw the blood quelling from the shallow wounds on Jack’s knuckles she felt some satisfaction about it. It was not who she had decided to become so many years ago, but that person was still somewhere inside of Ella, well hidden only showing when driven into a corner. She hated that part of herself, but it was her like the part that cared deeply about her friends, the part that was hurt by Jacks words, that grieved Ashley, even after these years.

                    “Oh fuck you, too, Jack. I didn’t know you needed everything presented on a fucking silver plate. I seriously thought you were able to use a terminal on your own and download whatever damn file you wanted to read. As I said before – but I repeat myself gladly to remind you – you are cleared to access the Cerberus database. What else do you need? Shall I hold your hand because you’re too fucking scared what you might find?” In reality Ella had chosen to let Jack find it on her own than giving her the files, because she had assumed Jack wouldn’t want Ella to see her reaction to what she might find or even know what’s inside those files. But the version of Ella now standing here in front of Jack would never admit that. She would rather tell her that she never believed Jack had the strength to look at them – what couldn’t be rather from the truth. In fact she had a lot of respect for what Jack planned to do. Ella had never sought closure to her childhood, had never visited her father’s grave, or even taken a look at anything that had belonged to him. All of their stuff was rotting in a storeroom on earth, probably destroyed by now.

                    “Oh, yes, the victim again? Once again little Jackie is treated wrong, huh? Yes, I  d i d  recruit you for your fighting skills; no one except Cerberus knew what you were capable of or that you even existed. So excuse me, that I didn’t recruit you for your winning personality. But I never manipulated you, never tried or planned to.” Ella nodded, a wry grin on her face. “yes and how could you know who you are – you didn’t have the guts to open that damn files till now. Stop playing the victim and just fucking do it and don’t…”

          For a moment her whole world was darkness with little lights dancing in front of her eyes and a sharp pain starting on her forehead and quickly spreading out over her skull – that would leave a hell of a headache. Jack’s loud shrill voice only made it worse. The commander clenched her jaws and shook her head, before she almost leaped forward and grabbed Jack by her forearms, pushing her against the wall – right where the younger woman had hit it before. Like Jack she was glowing bright blue. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, but the pain had woken her survival instinct. No matter what Jack meant to her, the biotic was not to underestimate –and Ella’s subconscious knew that.

           She pressed Jack against the wall with her body so her lips would be close to Jack’s ear she didn’t want to look at her. “I don’t know who you are, but I know that you are not someone who wants to kill the person who respects you. It’s not my fault you didn’t open these files, Jack. I gave you access after knowing you merely minutes,” she hissed. “Showed you trust where I didn’t have to, because you deserved it to see these files. Now don’t blame me. You want me to give them to you, then say the word and I will download them for you, but don’t fucking blame me for not doing it till now.”

          Jack was scared. She was petrified. The thought of what had become of her, just what exactly Cerberus did to her as a child gripped every fiber of her being. They were sick, repulsive, inhumane. How dare they represent the human race and want the best for the species, torturing children to build a weapon was not the way to go about conquering the galaxy, let alone the universe. They want to be heard? They should have expressed themselves in a totally different way. Jack was used to pushing away the emotions that dreaded her, every time she felt sadness, love, happiness, it disappeared as quickly as it came when she felt the sensation deep within her heart. Nothing good came out of these feelings, even happiness was a wrong feeling. In the end you’d be disappointed by the outcome even if you were blissful at the beginning.

The shaved head, dainty small woman decked out in full body tattoos swallowed hard. Subject Zero, also known as Jack. She could remember hearing one of the scientist mumbling into a recording diary, Ella was most likely right. Jack didn’t want to open the files just to find out something she would have rather repressed, but if she didn’t open the files then would she have closure? Another option was to open the files and become more psychologically abused. She already suffered from post traumatic stress disorder along with being borderline anti-social personality disorder. It explained why she acted out the way she did, killed so many people, robbed, and lack of remorse for the life of others. Morality was something Jack never got to know, she only knew one thing; survive and kill. Hell, she even enjoyed getting into the arena at a young age and smashing her opponent’s skull against the wall just to do her own form of finger painting with their brains. 

Hearing Ella’s words made her gasp, struggling for air as her heart constricted trying to furiously pump blood. With her back against the wall and Ella’s lips near her ear Jack’s gaze settled towards the side, flashbacks reflected along the steel walls of the ship.

                                                       "I can’t fucking do it, I can’t fucking do this alone Ella.“

The little girl in Jack came out, silent sobs shook in her tone. The thought of being the only person in this world with nothing to love, no one to comfort her made her feel sick. Sure Ella respected her and there was this budding friendship but was it enough to keep Jack alive? She felt as if she had no direction, what if Ella left her to die? Hell, there was this suicide mission and all but Jack wanted to live, she wanted to call Ella a friend. The only people willing to die for her did, and now she could never see them again. The difference between what Jack had with her gang sisters and Ella, was that they told her to toughen up, if she didn’t make it out alive she wasn’t meant to be there. They wouldn’t put their lives out on the line, they called it tough love. But Ella?

                                                                "I don’t want to do this alone.” Jack whispered.

Jack would read the files, but only if Ella read them to her. With her, so she wouldn’t be alone.