stxsis:

     Shepard laughed. No one had ever called her an optimist before. “I’m not trying to cure you, Jack. In the first place, I don’t believe you to be diseased— conditioned, maybe, but not diseased. And secondly, even if you were diseased, I highly doubt I would be the remedy. I mean have you met me? Some people… some people call me the Butcher of Torfan.” She raised eyebrows at the other biotic as if to say can you believe that? Shepard sighed. “Those people don’t think I’m a hero. In fact, I’ve come to think of myself as more of an anti-hero, of sorts. I think really, the only thing that’s gotten me this far is my inability to walk away. I see things through, always.” The commander swallowed and looked away from the convict, she always had thought that maybe someone more diplomatically minded might have been better suited for her job than she was. 

     The other woman was changing the subject. Jack had asked another possibly rhetorical question but it had launched her into an angry tirade. Her anger spoke to Shepard, she recognized it as something intimately familiar. “I was on a farm. On Mindoir. Riding horses and teasing my brother about his girlfriends.” She let the answer hang awkwardly in the air, a non sequitur to all of Jack’s inflamed rage. A literal response to the question she hadn’t intended for Shepard to answer. “Until Batarians came to either enslave or kill us all. Mostly the latter.” Another pause to let that sink in. “You know, just because people call you psychotic doesn’t mean you actually are. Do I seem like a butcher to you? Maybe I am.” She gave a gallic shrug, it certainly was a possibility at this point. “Or maybe we’re two women who learned at a very young age that you either fight, or you die. And we’ve learned that it is better to be safe than merciful, and that surviving is the most important thing of all. Maybe we’re angry that the world dealt us a shitty hand in life, and we take our victories wherever and whenever we can. Or not.” Another head tilt. “All I’m saying is… you don’t have to be who they tell you to be. You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul.”

     She went quiet for a minute, as if she was finished, then started, remembering Jack’s final question. “You asked me how I feel when I kill someone.” She waited to be sure the other woman still wanted the answer, that she was still paying attention. “Relief. I feel relieved. I have eliminated a threat.”

“I think comparing me to a disease is pretty insulting Shepard.” Jack arched her brow, one of them happened to have razor slits at the arch. Her hazel eyes focused on the Commander as she was trying to understand what she was saying. Jack was the sort of person who only heard something negative over the positive, she knew the Commander was trying to be thoughtful and give Jack a more laid-back approach to her condition–being totally fucked up, that she understood. But Jack didn’t understand, nor did she had plans to decipher what the fuck she just said. “If you’re such an anti-hero why the hell are you investigating disappearing human colonies? Who gives a shit if those fuckers rot and die. At least you’re still around, you can defend yourself. Why pretend to care when you really don’t? Jack tossed up her hand, grunting as she spewed her thoughts on the situation. "I don’t get it, you’re on the fence on this shit?”

As she listened to Shepard speak about fate, controlling their identities and their cruel reputation Jack finally broke through, allowed her words to sink in. “I like that Shepard, what you just said.” A smile appeared on Jack’s face. “You know why I’m called the ‘Psychotic Biotic’? Because I kill to survive, I kill whoever gets in my way, I kill because it’s all I know. I’m bitter, I fucking know that. But if I had to choose over saving my own ass and some dirt bag? I choose myself, I always will. I’ve dealt with a lot of traumatizing events for people call to call me psychologically unstable but I’m sane enough to know that’s all bullshit.” She tapped her temple. “You and I, we can withstand all of this destruction.” Hearing how the Commander felt about when she had killed someone caused Jack to smile again.

                                                                                                                        “Yeah? Me too.”